/ / = thoughts     [ ] = dreams     ( ) = flashbacks  

::*~~*::

            “Why?”
            Hisoka opened his eyes slowly and turned to face whoever had spoken.  “Why what?” he replied groggily, not really wanting to get up.  Where was he again?  His eyes focused on the sheets beneath his body. 
            / Oh, yeah...  My apartment... /  Why was he here again?  The light-haired boy buried his head into the pillow underneath him.  / He took me home...  Did he put me in bed, too?  Why’s he still here? /
            “Why did you come after me?”  Tsuzuki’s voice was soft and far off, a speck of hopelessness in it.  Why hopelessness?  Was the older Shinigami still hurting?
            / Of course he is, he’ll always feel horrible about it...  Does he honestly think he’s a demon? /  “Should I not have?”  Hisoka’s tone was smooth and indifferent, though his heart called out to Tsuzuki’s.  He knew the man was going through mental torment, but so was he.  He almost lost his partner then. 
            The partner he...  that he still loved so much, it hurt...
            “I don’t deserve it.”  It was stated as a matter of fact, not to be argued with.  “You should have let me go...”  Hisoka felt the closeness of the man as he sat down next to him on the bed. 
            Hisoka peered from one eye up to the other Shinigami.  “No, I should’ve.  You deserve to be here just as much as any of us.  Why can’t you see that?”
            Tsuzuki was silent for a moment.  He shifted, suddenly becoming uncomfortable under the teen’s scrutinizing one eyed gaze.  Why was he asking him these questions?  Maybe he should just leave...  “I’m a demon...  I’ve killed innocents...  I...”
            “What is wrong with you!?” Hisoka snapped before he could check himself.  Tsuzuki turned to him, his mouth agape in surprise at the youth’s outburst.  Hisoka closed his eyes again, hissing against the pillow, “What is wrong with you?”  The question was asked almost kindly the second time.
            “I told I—“
            “Not what I meant,” Hisoka interrupted.  “I don’t care if you or aren’t a demon.  It doesn’t change who you are!”  He sat up then, focusing on Tsuzuki’s violet eyes for the first time that night.  The man’s eyes were melancholy and deep, almost like pools Hisoka could (and had before) drown in.  He shook his head somewhat, not wanting to lose his resolve yet.  “You think you’re so inhuman just because you aren’t human?”
            “I think that’s the definition, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki defended half-heartedly.
            Hisoka shook his head more violently.  “No, no, you don’t understand what I mean.  Being human...  have humanity...”  He reached out and put a tentative hand onto Tsuzuki’s, making the older man flinch in some surprise.
            / He’s being so... kind... warm... caring, to me... / Tsuzuki thought, enjoying the contact he was getting from the normally stoic teen.
            “It’s... a moral.  A mind-state.  Being human is not defined by species, but by the way one acts.”  His hand curled around Tsuzuki’s, tightening in an attempt to hold onto Tsuzuki.  / Never go away...  Never die, don’t scare me like that again, Tsuzuki... /  “So many say that someone is being ‘inhumane’ when they do something harmful to another.  Does that not show it is a way of being?  Tsuzuki, by that definition, by that way of thinking...  My god, Tsuzuki, you’re the most human person I’ve ever met...”
            Hisoka looked down shamefully at the covers.  “Just like I...  I’m on the other end of the spectrum.  I can be so cruel...  I wish I could be like you, besides the magic stuff.  I wish I could care as much as you, but I can’t.  I’m jealous...”
            The room was silent for a moment.  Hisoka was finished with his speech and Tsuzuki was unsure what to say.  So he just twined his fingers around the ones offered to him by the teen, savoring the contact he was finally receiving from him, after wanting it so long.  Hisoka looked up at him, his stoic façade back in place.
            But something felt bitter about it to him.  To this, words slipped out of his mouth unbidden, before he could figure out what he was saying, “You... seemed to have cared about Tsubaki-hime, though...”
            / Damn it! / Tsuzuki cursed mentally.  / Didn’t want to bring it up, didn’t want to remember it... /
            Hisoka’s mouth fell open and closed again, his eyes back to the sheets.  “I...  A little, yes, I cared about her.”  His voice took on a venomous tone suddenly, “What’s it to you?”
            Tsuzuki shivered at the coldness in the boy’s voice.  What had he done?  He was getting so close to Hisoka like he wanted, but he only ended up pushing him away again...  “I’m... sorry.  I didn’t mean to bring it up.”  He paused, trying to think of something else to say, to cover his ass.  “I know you cared about her...”
            “Not really,” Hisoka admitted.  Tsuzuki looked surprised.  “I mean, she was kind and beautiful, and everything before she changed, but...  She was my friend.  That’s all.”
            Tsuzuki gave him a bittersweet smile.  “That’s why you needed tips asking her out, ne?”
            Hisoka blinked.  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, that’s all.”  He fell back onto the bed, his head landing on the pillow with a soft thud.  “That’s all...”
            Tsuzuki nodded slowly.  “So, was I a replacement for her?”
            “What?”  Hisoka was sitting up again, his look twisted into confusion.  “What does that mean?”
            “The flames...  What you said to me...  Am I her replacement, so you won’t be lonely?”
            “No...  no...”  Hisoka’s fingers clenched at the sheets until his knuckles blanched.  “No!”  He looked up at Tsuzuki, his gaze meeting with the other’s.  Tsuzuki was surprised by the compassion he saw there all of a sudden. 
            He was even more surprised when the teen lunged at him, wrapping his arms around the elder Shinigami, much like how he had during the Tern snake incident.  “No, Tsuzuki, you weren’t—you aren’t—a replacement for her, for anyone.  It wasn’t for me, it was for you.”  The teen nestled his head in between the junction of Tsuzuki’s chin and shoulder.  “I want you to be happy, Tsuzuki, I want you to exist so you can be happy...”
            Tsuzuki was struck speechless.  For him?  Hisoka had done that, gone through the flames of the Tern snake, for his happiness?  For a demon’s happiness? 
            “Exist for me, Tsuzuki, I’ll be your reason...  I’ll make you happy...”  Tsuzuki could feel a dampness on his neck: was Hisoka crying...?  “Please, please, let me make you happy...”
            Tsuzuki tentatively lifted his arms and put them around Hisoka’s smaller body.  “Why?”  The same question that had started this night off, though this time its meaning needn’t be explained.
            “Because I...”  Hisoka tensed but held on tighter.  / Never go away, don’t try to leave...  Don’t scare me again, never go in flames.  I... /  “I need you, Tsuzuki.”  He closed his eyes, his lashes a ghostly touch on Tsuzuki’s neck.  “I... I...”
            / Do you love me, Hisoka...?  Please, please...  /  Tsuzuki’s grip on the child tightened as well.  “Say it, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki pleaded, his voice small.  He had a good idea what the child wanted to say, he hoped...  “Please, I need to hear it from you...”
            Hisoka whispered something against Tsuzuki’s peach skin, barely audible.  Tsuzuki pulled him away a little, placing his finger under the child’s chin and angling it so his purple eyes met emeralde orbs.  “I need to actually hear it, Hisoka...”
            Hisoka’s eyes closed momentarily before they opened up again, filled with what Tsuzuki had been hoping for, striving for ever since that day with Hijiri. 
            “I...  I love you, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka whispered, bringing one of his hands to touch Tsuzuki’s cheek.  “I’ve loved you for so long.  So long.  Loved you...”  He leaned in close.  “Needed you...”  Their noses were touching now.  “Wanted you...”
            Tsuzuki, not being able to stand the eternity this was taking, no matter how sweet it was, tilted his head to the side a little and put his lips onto Hisoka’s.  He had dreamed of this for so long.  He had had so many chances, and passed them all up.  Not again.  He’d take every chance from now on, he’d never let Hisoka get away again.
            Never.
            Tsuzuki pulled away only a little, to breathe one thing to the teen, “I love you, too, Hisoka.”  Then they sank into another kiss, open-mouthed, their tongues instantly reaching out for each other.
            Oh, the sweetness this was to Tsuzuki.  The perfection it was to Hisoka.  All they had wanted, and now they could have it.  There was no more competition, no more Hijiri, no more Tsubaki, just them.  And that’s all they could have ever hoped for.
            Hisoka pushed Tsuzuki back against the bed, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on Tsuzuki’s shirt.  They pulled away from their deep kiss, panting a little.  Tsuzuki raised up a bit to lay kisses along Hisoka’s jaw line, causing the younger Shinigami to purr low in his throat. 
            He removed Tsuzuki’s shirt with little to no ease, Tsuzuki helping him to remove his own shortly after.  They fell completely against the bed, Hisoka on top, covering the older man with kisses from head to neck to his chest, his hands all the while roaming across Tsuzuki’s body. 
            Tsuzuki twined his fingers in Hisoka’s hair, low, husky growls of pleasure escaping him from time to time.  Gods, this felt so wonderful...  He had thought having Hisoka touch him would be amazing but he hadn’t expected it to be this good...  He sighed contently, relaxing against the soft caresses of the child’s inexperienced hands.
            And inexperienced he was.  Hisoka had only been with two people in his (after)life, and been on the receiving end of both treatments.  He was mimicking gentle touches from Muraki(though his were not followed by taunting or the cruelty the Doctor had always had with him) and the soft whispers of affection he had gotten from his short time with Tsubaki.  That, and what he had watched between Tsuzuki and Hijiri.  That was all he had to go off of.  All he need, in fact.
            Hisoka nibbled gently on Tsuzuki’s earlobe as his fingers played across his chest.  He found a nipple with one hand, and played with it between his thumb and index, loving the moan of ecstasy he got from the form beneath him.
            He smiled wickedly, running his other hand quickly up and down the center of Tsuzuki’s front, making the man shiver.  “You’re so beautiful, Tsuzuki...  So perfect...”  He kissed the man’s lips once more.  “I want you in every way there is, I want you to be mine...  Forever...”
            Tsuzuki smiled, his eyes half-lidded with pleasure.  “Then have me, Hisoka.  I want you to claim me.” 
            Hisoka nodded in reply, his hands moving away from his chest and finding their way down to Tsuzuki’s belt.  He undid it quickly, sliding it down the man’s knees and off altogether, dropping it on the floor next to the bed.  Tsuzuki reached for Hisoka’s waist to do the same, as Hisoka admired him from above.
            Hisoka wasn’t lying – Tsuzuki was beautiful, perfect, he was everything.  Everything anyone could ever want.  Human, kind, beautiful, needing yet giving...  The opposite of Hisoka, his foil in every way.  And Hisoka could never think of loving anyone else ever again except the almost naked man beneath him.
            Almost naked?  That didn’t help the situation.  Once he was done helping Tsuzuki with helping him get out of his pants and boxers, he instantly dove for the boxers he had left on the other man, jerking them off.  He had seen Tsuzuki naked once before, but it wasn’t his right to have been watching then.  It was for Hijiri that it had been done.  This time, though, it was for him.  All for him.  No one would be allowed to see this except him from now on. 
            / Mineminemineminemine, / Hisoka whispered happily to himself while admiring Tsuzuki.  / This is mine, this man is finally mine...  No flame, no ‘Doctor’, no violinist shall ever have him again.  I’ll protect you from anything and everything, Tsuzuki, so long as you stay with me... /
            Hisoka’s wild smile returned as he gently stroked the tip of Tsuzuki’s growing erection.  “Mine,” he whispered huskily, stretching over Tsuzuki as he claimed his lips in a passionate kiss.  His fingers enclosed themselves around Tsuzuki’s shaft, pumping a little, making the elder Shinigami moan into their kiss.  It made his grin grow even larger.
            As Tsuzuki pulled back, his eyes fall of love, he whispered, “Yours.”
            Invitingly, Tsuzuki spread his legs a little.  Hisoka suddenly felt nervous, having only been on the receiving end of this a few times from Muraki.  He knew how much it hurt the first time, and even after...
            “Something wrong?” Tsuzuki asked in a concerned tone, noticing the pause in his new lover’s actions.
            “You ever done this before, Tsuzuki?”
            “Well, yeah...” Tsuzuki replied in a playful tone, in a way that was like saying, ‘you should’ve known that.’
            “I meant been on the receiving side,” Hisoka retorted.
            “Ah...”  Tsuzuki suddenly looked embarrassed.  Why?  “No, I haven’t...”  Oh.
            Hisoka trailed his finger across Tsuzuki’s stomach, stopping to put his finger inside the crevice of his belly-button and playing there for a second.  The action was playful, almost subconscious as he took a moment to think.  “Well, I haven’t given, either.  First time for everything, right?”
            And then Hisoka smiled.  Not one of his false ones to get someone to go away if they were worried, but a real smile.  It warmed Tsuzuki’s heart; Hisoka was trusting him so much, giving him so much...  “Right.”
            Hisoka wrapped his arms around the back of Tsuzuki’s thighs and lifted them up so he could get his hips underneath him, his tip almost on the hole of Tsuzuki’s anus.
            “Ready?” Hisoka asked, either to himself or to Tsuzuki.  He was ready for this, he wanted this, he was going to have this...
            Tsuzuki nodded, his eyes closed, head falling back onto the sheets.  His fingers found their way back into the teen’s hair, gently stroking as he awaited the initial entry.
            Hisoka slid his cock in slowly, trying his best not to cause Tsuzuki too much discomfort.  The man winced, but made no sound.  He tightened his hold on the teen’s scalp, but nothing that hurt.
            Once he felt that Tsuzuki was relaxing a little, he pushed his way further into the tight ring, still taking his time.  He bent down, kissing Tsuzuki softly on the lips.  “Pain...?
            “It’s already melting away,” Tsuzuki purred against his lover’s lips, licking them playfully.
            Hisoka nodded and pushed himself the rest of the way in a little bit quicker.  Tsuzuki gasped and pulled on his hair.  It hurt some, but that was all right.  It was worth it, oh so worth it...
            He pulled out until the tip was inside still, looking into Tsuzuki’s face once more.  The man’s eyes were closed, and his lips were parted, but not in a wince.  There was a contented sigh and a smile fell on those lips, inspiring Hisoka to move on.  He pushed his way in again, quicker this time, his mouth finding its way to his neck, nibbling and sucking it lovingly.
            Tsuzuki’s hands moved from Hisoka’s hair to the teen’s back, leaving little claw marks as they began a pace together.  He met the youth half-way to each new thrust, his climax building with every motion between them.  He found Hisoka’s mouth again and devoured it as they continued to make love.  They broke apart from the kiss to moan out in pleasure.
            After what felt like an eternity of endless motions, kisses, and moans, Hisoka felt himself nearing his end, his climax coming soon.  He shouted Tsuzuki’s name as he came inside the man, his head thrown back.  The elder Shinigami orgasmed after him, a throaty groan escaping him as his head rolled back.
            Hisoka collapsed against his lover’s body, both of them panting heavily.  After a few moments of catching their breaths, they silently agreed to switch positions, moving themselves to the head of the bed and under the covers.  Hisoka’s back was pressed up against Tsuzuki’s chest, the older man winding his arm around the teen’s waist and protectively pulling him closer.
            “I love you, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka whispered, eyes closing.
            “I love you, too, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki replied, placing a small kiss on his shoulder, making the pale boy shiver.  “Forever and ever...  I’ll exist for you.  For you...”  He felt the edges of sleep start to pull at him.
            “For me,” Hisoka said with a happy sigh, a smile on his lips.  “I’ll always make you happy, Tsuzuki.  I swear it.”  And this is one promise he would keep, no matter the circumstances.  He closed his eyes and fell into the most peaceful slumber he had ever had in years.  

            The next morning, Hisoka was the first to wake.  Edges of the ecstasy-filled rump were still fresh in mind, making him warm.  He snuggled against Tsuzuki, not wanting to get up.  He and Tsuzuki could stay away from work for another day or two.              / Good, / Hisoka thought, smirking.  / Tsuzuki and I can catch up on some time we’ve missed... /
            “You awake, Hisoka?” Tsuzuki’s voice whispered into his ear.
            “Yes.”
            “Hmm.”  Tsuzuki nuzzled the boy’s neck.  “Morning, then.”  He pulled him closer(if possible), his arms possessively around him. 
            Hisoka smiled and lost himself in the embrace for a moment.  Then, he remembered something...  “Tsuzuki, let me up.”
            He could almost feel the frown of disappointed Tsuzuki gave him.  “Aww.  I don’t want to, though.”
            “I’ll be right back, you know,” Hisoka said defensively.  “I’m not even leaving the room.”
            Tsuzuki loosened him from the hold.  “Fine, fine, just hurry up.”
            Hisoka smiled.  Some things never changed, and he hoped that always remained true.  He got off the bed and wandered to his chest of drawers, digging in the top one for something.  Once he retrieved it, he headed back to the bed, crawling under the covers, facing Tsuzuki.
            “I was going to give this to you earlier, but...”  He shook his head.  Tsuzuki didn’t need to know about that day with Hijiri.  It wasn’t important, especially now.  “Here.”
            He slid the object into Tsuzuki’s hand before snuggling up to the man.  Tsuzuki wrapped one arm around the teen and pulled him closer as the other held out the object to let him inspect it.  It was a necklace with a dragon pendent on it.  It was pewter and very expensive looking.
            Tsuzuki grinned.  “Guess I have to get you something now, don’t I?”  He slipped the necklace on, turning his gaze to Hisoka. 
            Hisoka grinned evilly.  “I guess you do,” he re-iterated, his voice sensual.
            Tsuzuki smiled as he dove for his lover, ravishing him with kisses.