Title|Three Sides to the Coin
Part|sixa/seven
Part Title|It Goes Away
Authour|~sushisama~ (sbolce@esper.com)
Warnings|DilandauxVan implications and Van+Hitomi.  The FolkenxDilandau stuffs shall be in the next part.  Fun.
Disclaimer|Check first part, please.
Notes|Wow... I’m almost done with this fic.  Eh.  I don’t want to finish it!  I like it!  *frown*  Ohwell.  I still have the alternates and I could always write more.  Thanks to all of my reviewers!  Over forty... wow.  None of my stuffs have that yet...  ^_^  Hope you guys enjoy.

/ / = thoughts     [ ] = dreams     ( ) = flashbacks  

::*~~*::

            It wasn’t like last time.  It wasn’t as pleasant, as wonderful...  In fact, it left Van with a hollow feeling inside.  No where near as satisfying.
            Once back at the castle, he sat heavily on the bottom step of the long staircase, his head dropped on his chest.  He stared at the stone floor, unmoving, his mind plaguing itself for answers.
            He had been with Dilandau again.  That was what he had wanted, wasn’t it?  ..wasn’t it?  He didn’t know anymore.  At first, he really wanted the Dragonslayer.  And now... no, the desire was gone.  Nothing left.  But... why?
            It had been incredible.  Van would not deny that much.  Being with his enemy had sated his hormonal hunger, but that was all. 
            / First I can’t get him out of my mind... / he thought wearily to himself.  / Now, I don’t want to think about him ever having even touched me.  What the hell? /
            Van wanted the thrill.  That was why he had gone after Dilandau once more.  But now that he had done it once more... no, there was nothing.  Which, in a way, was a relief for him.  Needing someone that much, that you couldn’t have around all the time, was getting to him.
            That, and he had been feeling incredibly guilty about it.  Lying to everyone about why he was acting differently, what he had done to Hitomi...  He wanted to apologize to everyone. 
            “Van?”
            The king turned his head in the direction of the voice.  / Déjà vu... / he thought.  Hitomi was standing a few steps above him, holding a candle, wearing a nightgown.  Just like the night he had first been with Dilandau.  That was only.. two days again...  It seemed longer than that, for some reason.
            Van didn’t respond; he just put his arms around himself, rubbing his shoulders.
            “Van, are you okay?” Hitomi asked gently, coming down those few steps so she could sit down next to him.  She put a hand on his shoulder.  “Come on, you can tell me...”
            “Hitomi, I...”  Van gulped.  What was he going to say?  What else could he say?  / The truth... /  “I’ve done something awful..”  He made sure his eyes remained on the floor: he did not think he could look her in the eyes right now.
            Hitomi rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.  “What?  What have you done?”
            Van suddenly felt like weeping.  All the guilt he had been feeling, all the disgust for his actions, all coming into him at once.  He choked back a sob.  “I.. was with someone...”
            “...oh.”  He could hear the drop in her voice. There was an uncomfortable pause.  “Who was she?”
            Van gulped again.  “It... wasn’t a she...”  He hesitated before saying anything else.
            “It was a guy?” she said in some amount of disbelief.  “It wasn’t Allen, now was it..?”
            He chuckled coldly at the suggestion.  “Allen?  Hell no...”
            “Then who was it?”
            Again, he hesitated.  “It was...  You won’t believe it...”
            “Try me.”
            “...Dilandau.”
            He snuck a peek at her face to see what her reaction was.  Her mouth was agape, staring at him with wide eyes.  She did not say anything, just continued to gawk at him.
            “Dil.. Dilandau?  The pyro?  Our enemy?”
            Van winced at her tone.  “Yeah.  Him.”
            “What were you thinking, Van?”  Her voice was now hard and cynical.  “Why would you do such a thing?”
            “I was taking a walk the other night, and he just... came up on me,” Van admitted.  “He had me pretty much trapped, and forced himself on me, and I... I caved.”
            “You just caved?”
            Van nodded solemnly.  “Yes.  I needed it, Hitomi..  I really did.  And afterwards...”
            “Is that why you’ve been so.. out of it?” she interrupted. 
            He sighed.  “Yeah.  I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  How I... I really wanted to do it again.”
            “And where were you tonight?  With him?” she said accusingly, with a hint of jealousy.
            “Yes, I was.”  His eyes locked with hers and held.  “But, Hitomi, it wasn’t the same.  It did nothing for me.  It felt good, but the after thoughts made it terrible.”
            “You’ve no desire to do it again?”  Her eyes were hopeful.
            Van shook his head.  “No desire whatsoever.”  He smiled weakly.
            “Good,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a bear hug.
            Van hugged her back, glad she did not reject him completely for his stupid actions.  “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
            “It’s all right,” Hitomi replied, snuggling in his chest.  “I’m just glad that you’re out of this.”
            “So am I...”  He pulled her closer.  “So am I...”